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unmade films



for Building Plans on CAD for  Planning Permission


Mrs. Monk's Would-be Diary should have been written by Mrs. Monk, since she is the "Writer" in the family.
However, since she is a writer only in the conceptual sense, I have undertaken to fill these pages on her behalf
If not by her, these pages will certainly be about her, and other important matters of the day         Leslie Monk






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 3 March  2015

Spending Spin

Tory Plans to Avoid Tory Spending Plan Questions



 1 March  2015 (lunchtime)

Grant Shapps pledged the100,000 new houses and an uncosted  giveaway of 3.9 Billion over breakfast, and now David Cameroon has just doubled the target and the giveaway at Lunchtime. What are they eating?

Who will pay for the 7.8 Billion giveaway?

Surely not another efficiency saving? Yawn!

And just before an election.

 Promises! Amended

1 March 2015

Promises! Promises!

Grant Shapps, Chairman of the Conservative Party, makes unconvincing uncosted promises ..


Two Years  Ago

Most read story on these pages this last month.

The Filthy Rich

 Ken Loach may well be promoting a new polemical movie but his knowledge of the economy makes anyone who supports our "market economy", look extremely foolish.

26 FEBRUARY 2015

Long before Primark, ... and Walmart,...

ever widening inequality under the current UK coalition government and beyond.

25 FEBRUARY 2015

Today it was announced that it will soon be illegal to “annoy” with unsolicited phone calls.


This movie from 24 September 2009 continues to be popular on Shoestringonline so it is not just me that feels this way.

Revenge of The Telephobic

a surreal conversation with a lady salesperson, selling indeterminate goods.

24 FEBRUARY 2015

Cash for Access

What was it about the wealth of his potential client that made this man,  Sir Malcolm Leslie Rifkind, former Foreign Secretary, agree to meet in order to be subsequently paid 5000 to 8000 a day for providing access to foreign London ambassadors for the commercial purposes of a fake Chinese company?

When exposed, Rifkind  made no apology and on the contrary refused to “step down” claiming that he was “livid.” He has since been suspended by David Cameron for electoral purposes and has now resigned protesting that he has done nothing wrong.

Jack Straw was embarrassed, and “mortified” to have his greed exposed but this man was “livid” with pompous indignation because he is so much up his own anus and so remote from all other mere mortals who have a different moral compass, and who might happen to read this.

Can I say that?


Well done Channel 4 and Dispatches.


This picture was taken by Mrs Monk in 2011 during the Anonymous occupation of St Paul’s in 2011.

Seems like yesterday.


A digital collage of 32 melancholic portraits, hand drawn pen and ink drawings, paintings, and photographic images.

This and other artwork by Monkfry is available through

Saatchi Art

Eleven Years Ago

22 FEBRUARY 2004

Yoko Ono

16 FEBRUARY 2015

One of “Two Trees” on Two Tree Island

Leigh On Sea Essex

And other pictures taken  in and around Leigh On Sea usually  by Mrs Monk


subscribe, no charge...

Love is a very splendid thing. A movie called "Love" was created by us Monks at Shoestringonline. We then discovered that there were 10,729 movies on vimeo with the same title. Most seem to be syrup, or church, or just bad, or all three. Surely there would be enough to start a Love Channel. Love Channel was born, or was there already a Love Channel. Apparently not.



14 FEBRUARY 2015

British Gas have been working on our Worcester Boiler for two days and the job is still not done.

This means we are trapped inside the house while they work on it and still desperately needing a shower on what Mrs. Monk insists on calling VD Day.

11 FEBRUARY 2015

Who are you?

Grayson Perry's new Art Show about identity is currently at the National  Portrait Gallery, London. The art is deliberately set amongst the  incumbent art in the permanent galleries apparently confronting and  challenging past conceptions of identity.

I am left wondering what other context for his work would serve this purpose better.

10 FEBRUARY 2015


How is it that the Swiss are so well off?

I asked this question on these pages 2 years ago.

It never occurred to me that anybody thought that the Filthy Rich did not stash away their cash in Switzerland in order to avoid  paying for the NHS.

How odd that David Cameron has been so keen to take personal credit for plugging indeterminate tax loopholes on his watch, but when it comes to the enormous black hole identified by this weeks tax dodging revelations, Ministers somehow knew nothing, and continue to know nothing and therefore could not have done anything about what was so bleeding obvious to everybody else.

So obvious I wrote about it on these pages.

13 March 2013


They stash it away where they make cuckoo clocks. I know nothing, but I knew that.


Today David Cameron decided to mock Ed Balls for not having any big business donor friends rather than answer the questions that were put to him today by Ed Milliband in Parliamentary Prime Minister No Answer Question Time.


That pantomime goes on but it struck me as odd that Cameron would think that publicly gloating about having more big business donors than Labour would be a vote winner and a good sound bite for the news bulletins.

He can’t help it I suppose because it is in his very Tory DNA


The following story is the most read story on these pages in the last twelve months. The show goes on.

31 MARCH 2014

Tory DNA

So clever of the Chancellor to bribe pensioners with their own money.

27 January 2014


Pictures by Sara Monk where the Television is featured, either directly or inadvertently. Context is everything.

Ten Years Ago On These Pages

January 2004

Cat and Mouse with
Phill Jupetus

and Cat Flap Charlie

10 January 2015

Hello Sajid Javid

Thank you for your E-mail. Lying politicians make me angry.

I agree with you that Ed Milliband has not avoided the necessity for tax rises to protect public services.

And yes, I did notice that you avoided the awful truth that the Conservative have not been able to avoid tax rises in the last 5 years, and yes, as you know, there has been 24 tax rises since 2010.

And whilst raising taxes by 23 billion for all of us, you have at the same time prioritised a tax cut for millionaires.  The average British household will be 974 a year worse off by the time of the next general election because of tax and benefit changes since 2010.

That is tax cuts for a privileged few and tax hikes for the many.

Yes, Labour wants to cut taxes for 24 million working people on middle and low incomes with a lower 10p starting rate of tax.

So WHY have you this week resorted to pathetic lies about Labour's tax policies?

I might need anger management.

10 January 2015

8 January 2015

One Year Ago

4 January 2014

The Biggest Splash

Much of the England is flooded and battered with weather, including the Beach Front down the road where Mrs. Monk snapped this pic with her phone.

We are blessed with a photogenic subject; the Estuary can be sublime in all weathers.

1 January2015

Sir David Amess

The Queen has seen fit to honour this man and it is........................

All Legal

29 December 2014

Dear Grant

Thank you for your Email.

Mrs. Monk was worried that we had fallen out because we had not heard from you for a while.

You say that if I donate 100 to the Conservative Party, one of your filthy rich subscribers will add a further 100. Or to put it another way if I don’t donate 100, the Conservative party will be denied 200.

Thank you for helping me make my decision . It does seem a no-brainer to me because nobody likes wasting money on lost causes. Have you seen the polls?

 Thank you for your list of “our” achievements. What exactly did I do apart from reading your email and having a little chuckle.

Happy New Year and try not think about the polls.

PS when you have a spare moment, please fix the railway network.


Pictures of People

photographed this year by Mrs Monk.

25 December 0000

This years Christmas Card

and others

22 December 2014

The Yarn Bombers

Anarchy in wool. A charm offensive.

Miss Putupon’s Last Lesson

21 December 2011 It was the last lesson of the afternoon before Christmas.

20 december 2014

Four Shopping Days to Christmas.
That is three days to put head into sand. And one day to force myself into a shop, to buy something that would pass scrutiny of demanding recipient of gift, Mrs Monk. Might just accept my fate and take the flack.

Mrs. Monk is addicted to shops and I am allergic to shops.

Otherwise we have a lot in common.



15 december 2014

The Daily Telegraph today leaked advice to Labour candidates who have been told to avoid the subject of Immigration on the door step. The Nigel Barton Moment. No kidding! Did they read my post yesterday below.

14 december 2014

The Nigel Barton Moment

And why we need

Russell Brand

And why he should not stand for election; heaven forbid.

The Nigel Barton Moment is frequently discussed on these pages. It is of course the moment when a politician fails to say what he really thinks because he wants to court all available votes in what we call a democracy, even if that vote is from a confirmed racist or a xenophobe.

Nigel Farage hardly bothers to disguise his tendency to court racists. He knows very well that he is the apologia of racism, but that does not trouble him. That makes him smile. That makes him laugh out loud.

Gordon Brown had a Nigel Barton moment and that cost him dearly in 2010. Cameron and May and Labour “shadows” are aware of the pitfalls and have also failed to condemn endemic British racism. They tend to assert unconvincingly and wish-fulfillingly, British notions of tolerance and fair play.

Does not wash. Does not stand scrutiny.

And when would a career politician ever tell a potential constituent not to vote for them, because they did not approve of the vote-giver? Has that ever happened?

That is why we need Russell Brand and that is why he should not stand for election.

So far, so untainted.

Respect to Dennis Potter. Not much has changed since 1965.

13 december 2014

Badding Farage

Get off My Land, Says Kent


12 december 2014

 Go on the record against the Bedroom Tax

In just four days, there will be a parliamentary vote on scrapping the Bedroom Tax. Why would anyone of any political persuasion not sign this petition?

9 december 2014

Serjeant Musgrave's Dance

And The Special Relationship

“war crimes” that may well have prolonged the current "war on terror." #CIAReport

 7 december 2014

Last Year’s Foodbank Christmas Card

David Cameron is still in denial and has turned down  100s of Millions of  EU Cash for Foodbanks . Cameron wants to be seen fighting for EU money but he does not want it for the UK poor.


Today the Bishops are naming names.

They are naming David Cameron for starving the poor.



Items designed to be useful or important for only a short time and/or occasionally embedded with prescient significance.

Photos by Sara Monk.

Shopping for Jesus

 24 November 2014

“health and safety”  for bullshit jobs-worth “health and safety” reasoning.

16 november 2014

Dear Theresa May

You might need to reconsider the poster you sent me just a month ago.

Police crime figures have now lost official status over claims of fiddling  and the UK Statistics Authority has withdrawn the gold-standard status from police figures, due to 'accumulating evidence' of unreliability.

You must have known.

3 november 2014


An early postman in these post privatisation days is like finding an apple in a puddle in the street and dancing a  fox-trot with the vermin where the rain has fallen.

25 october 2014

British Gas

.. was one of the earliest "privatisations". Formerly a non profit nationalised company "giving" away heat to the British public at knock down prices. Thatcher privatised British Gas and now they lead all other gas providers by driving up the price of heat.

Naked capitalism was embraced by privatised British Gas and pretty soon they were dishing out huge sums to incumbent management, notably .....

Cedric Brown,

 the original "Fat Cat" that outraged an army of small time investors, Thatcher's new capitalists were disappointed.

Who do they now blame? The immigrants of course.

It was twenty years ago Mrs Monk Wrote a letter to the Observer on these very subjects illustrated by the legendary Trog.

Let Classy Croaks Cull Fat Cats

Such progress we have made in the last twenty years.

23 october 2014

Recent London Pictures

snapped by Mrs Monk

Tripple Hippo Award

Pot calls kettle black

“The salaries paid to the executive directors are in many cases absolutely outrageous and unjustifiable.”

David Amess, of all people, felt compelled to complain about Southend Hospital Trust Executive Pay.

Privatised Trust Executives get huge salaries and he of all people is surprised.

If a Labour MP said this they would say it were the “Politics of Envy”.

“The hyena complaining about what the vulture gets!”

Evening Echo Reader

Intriguing Chambermaid

"Oh My God!"

Attempting to juggle these plentiful gifts, while simultaneously maintaining my dignity.

 17 October 2014

17 october 2014


UKIP Candidate for Basildon has been deselected for being something worse than a UKIP candidate

16 october 2014

Dear Theresa May

Thank you for your email.

You say "Under Labour, Police officers were wrapped in red tape, unable to do their job"

Do they no longer have to record and count the crimes committed because of Nasty Red Tape, because you also say that crime has gone down under your tenure as Home Secretary?

Amazing! How do you do get away with this BS?

Bedding Farage

10 october 2014

Ugly donkey passes posh thoroughbred

5 october 2014

Recent Pictures of Leigh upon Sea and thereabouts by Sara Monk. Pictures are added and subtracted from this collection from time to time. Mrs. Monk’s editor deserves some credit but gets very little.

2 october 2014

Tory Conference

Given last weeks panic driven pledges to ameliorate the Scots, how pathetic and desperate were David Cameron’s pledges to protect the NHS with references to his own tragic family story as if that excused his failure to honour his NHS pledges before the last election, or would allow us to accept yesterday’s preposterous financial pledges that unraveled arithmetically almost before he finished speaking to the Tory faithful at his party conference.

The man needs another vacation already.



Selected By Others

These pictures were chosen, for whatever reason, by readers of these pages and not by the editor, nor the photographer, usually Mrs Monk.

1.derogatory  ( Brit ) a musician, esp a pop musician, regarded as being overconcerned with technique rather than musical content or expression
2.( Austral ) any musician, esp a professional one


More 2014

Go to 2014B 2014A 2013B, 2013A, 2012B, 2012A 2011B, 2011A , 2010, 2009, 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005 and 2004

  Complain, Applaud, or Comment  CONTACT Shoestringonline


3 Most Read Stories  last 30 Days as follows...  

12 March 2013

The Filthy Rich


make the "market economy",  look extremely foolish.

The Untouchables

27 June 2013

George Osborne would rather choke on a pheasant than......

24 September 2009

Revenge of The Telephobic

a surreal conversation with a lady salesperson, selling indeterminate goods.

3 Most Read Stories   last 12 Months..  as follows...

31 MARCH 2014

Tory DNA

So clever of the Chancellor to bribe pensioners with their own money.

24 Sep 2013

Stifled Spin

You will have heard Ed Balls volunteer to have his spending pledges assessed by the Treasury.

Vocation or Vacation

15 December 2013

MP’s PAY, a free lunch and a subsidised bar.

Other Popular Stories  last 12 Months..  as follows...  

All Legal

4 December 2012

"It is all legal, look at the rules book."

hard working privileges

29 September 2014

Pride and Privilege.

Osborne’s contrary rhetoric.

Last Year’s Foodbank Christmas Card

David Cameron is still in denial and has turned down  100s of Millions of  EU Cash for Foodbanks . Cameron wants to be seen fighting for EU money but he does not want it for the UK poor.

21 August 2014

Tory Mugs for Mugs

Grant Shapps, You’ve made my day.

3 April 2010

Farmville Meat is Murder

7 October 2013

Feckless In Need

bankers were found short of competence in charge of pension contributions

3 August 2014

Osborne's Recession

For pity's sake Esther, please wear a vest.

23 May2014


Bring powers back to Boris and away from Brussels?

April Fool

comments on Conservative Party YouTube movie disabled

1 April 2014

Ahh! Bush Country?

1 April 2011 

Colonel Gaddafi:  “You take me for a fool. I shall be exiled. Take me to Best Buy”

Hannan, the Deluded

24 November 2012 Whether or not Daniel Hannan, MEP, should be expelled from the Conservative Party.

11 January 2014

Fear of Buying

"They are a bit dry", she said, "Not fresh", she explained.

19 May 2012


High street giant Currys are not honouring Extended Warranty contracts.

Daily Mail

Exploits Manslaughter of Children