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Mrs. Monk's Would-be Diary should have been written by Mrs. Monk, since she is the "Writer" in the family.
However, since she is a writer only in the conceptual sense, I have undertaken to fill these pages on her behalf
If not by her, these pages will certainly be about her, and other important matters of the day         Leslie Monk






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18 May 2015

Toxic Tories

So why are Tories so determined to find fault with the NHS?

15 May 2015

Shy Tories

"In a democracy you are supposed to vote for your personal interests", said Lionel Shriver on last night's  BBC TV show "This Week".

Until she used that sentence I had agreed with her analysis of the notion of  "Shy Tories", who are so "shamefaced" that they failed to give a straight answer to the pollsters that got it so wrong before the election.

My very shy tennis pal, Shy Derk, (not his real name to protect his shyness) referred to the "silent majority" last night.  I was obliged to point out to Derk that the Tories are a "silent minority" representing just 23.5% of the UK registered electorate.

Lionel Shriver also referred to the "lefties" that invaded Iraq. I'm not sure anyone regards Tony Blair as a Leftie. Less so, George Bush and the Tories who voted for the invasion of Iraq and the deregulation of banks, and everything else that ever went disastrously wrong.


13 May 2015

The 23% Tory Mandate

23.5% of those eligible to vote supported the Conservative Party, and enabled Cameron to claim yesterday he had a mandate to execute his manifesto.

Already they have decided to do stuff not in their manifesto.

With no sense of irony Britain's brand new Tory Culture Secretary Sajid Javid, announced yesterday that Strikes will be illegal if Trade Unions fail to get 40% support from their members.

That will be the very first thing they do in the very first Queen’s Speech.

The 23% Tory Mandate will then dismantle the NHS, but not the water cannons?

One Nation BS

12 May 2015

Strange Heads

Strange heads brought home by Mrs. Monk and which haunt the house and scare visitors, and other strange heads.

12 May 2015

Lord Sugar of Amstrad has more in common with the Tories than Labour. He not only endorses the worst aspects of the exploitative arrogant employer, he is happy to endorse and popularise bullying and  “Rip-off Britain” by flogging tat in light entertainment TV shows. Will he, should he, hand back his peerage now he has turned his back on Labour?

All those tatty Amstrads, are a metaphor for old broken Tory promises. All the brand new Tory promises will now dissolve slowly into bile before our very eyes.

Selected By Others

These pictures were chosen, for whatever reason, by readers of these pages and not by the editor, nor the photographer, usually Mrs Monk.

11 May 2015

Marriage Works

Andy Murray’s women.

The classic pre-Raphaelite model and noble figurehead, and some call it effing dancing.

8 May 2015

The nation has spoken.

The worlds fourth largest economy with very deep pockets approves of Food Banks, because without them the Filthy Rich would have to pay more tax.

Three party leaders resigned today  because they failed to deceive more than David Cameron.

4 May 2015

Dear Nick

Yes, it’s all about you.


If you don’t like this you are almost certainly a Tory

Reverse Bucket List

Work In Progress

4 May 2015

fail to see the funny side of David Amess and hypocrites and deficits


2 May 2015

the lie behind all other lies

2 May 2015

Due to a Tory conspiracy the web site has been down for a week at the very time I have wanted to have a go at all things right of Labour.

Where do we start?

23 April  2015

The man on my canvas, on my easel, where I live, on the screen, in my room, on my mind.

22 April  2015

The Bullingdon Club

The Coalition Cabinet contemplate Food Banks and the disproportionate consequences of Tory austerity on the Poor.

19 April  2015

Beef or Fish

If Mrs Monk asked me if we should have fish or beef for supper, I would demand fish if I wanted beef, and in due course get my preferred dish of the day. It never fails.

It’s a win win political strategy that never fails to satisfy both parties.

And this would surely be the kind of nuanced politics that will occur during the inevitable coalition maneuverings after the election

Beef or the Fish.

Trident or the NHS

Five Years Ago

Dear William Haque

Five Years ago just before the last election William Hague complained about too much Labour government intervention with British Business, with no sense of irony given the parallel claim that Labour failed to regulate the banks.

16 April  2015

The Empty Chair

David Cameron's decision not  to debate with the other candidates tonight is not his finest hour. Now he is getting ready to snipe at the other candidates from a safe distance.

14 April  2015

Mandate Seeker

Programmed responses, Nixon-like embarrassing, and desperately inappropriate.

12 April  2015

Tommy’s Last Stand

Whatever we might think about Tory austerity....

.......the tears he shed were true enough.

12 April  2015

Pictures of Cat Flap Charlie and Friends snapped by Sara Monk frequently added and removed from this set so his admirers, all over the world, may be frequently updated of Charlie's progress.

Of this he is blissfully unaware, because he is a cat.

6 April  2015

Vince Cable

And the Silent Fart

The Tory Tax on Justice .

Their Very First Priority


Items designed to be useful or important for only a short time and/or occasionally embedded with prescient significance.

Photos by Sara Monk.

2 April  2015

What is it about the zero hours low paid employment contracts that business leaders and David Cameron find so attractive, so appealing and so indispensably profitable?

1 April  2015


This was recorded one April Fools' Day. I have no idea where it came from. It was just a bit of spontaneous foolishness. Music Recorded circa 2008.


subscribe if you please

31 March  2015

The future of Tennis,

Isner v Raonic and multiple tiebreaks.

Isner defeats Raonic in three in Miami.

 29 March  2015


The Monks are not vegetarians but we are animal friendly, and we are so without discrimination of one specious over another.
All animals are equal with the possible exception of Tory homo sapiens, who are usually more equal than others.
These animals appeared on the kitchen table and were photographed by Mrs Monk and seemed to resonate with BSE and Farmville and Morrissey and of course Orwell.

This movie was the result.

The Movie was made five years ago when we had the last election on our mind.


 22 March 2015

NHS For Sale

Dear America,

I know Two American Sisters one who lives on this side of the Atlantic in Leigh On Sea, UK and the other lives in America.

While I am trying to watch Andy Murray play tennis, they argue with each other on Skype about politics; The American based sister is Republican to the N'th degree and the other is left of Trotsky.

The Special relationship and  where money is the object.

19 March  2015



Leveson inquiry official testimony.

Rupert Murdoch, under oath, contradicted unequivocally by Prime Minister, Gordon Brown under oath.
Also features, Prime Minister, David Cameron's testimony defining his cosy relationship with his neighbour, a Murdoch employee.

Debate Update

17 March  2015

Goldfish AV and Amnesia

Colin Firth has complained that the name, “Colin,” is the kind of name you now give a pet gold fish.

16 March  2015

Plagiaries for Profits

Shapps sells plagiary to the filthy rich in time for “Christmas” profits.

14 March  2015

Gift Horse

How nice it was to have Conservative Mayor Boris Johnson unveil Hans Haacke’s Gift Horse on the fourth plinth of Trafalgar Square and force him to say how wonderful it is, in spite of the anti-capitalist message and intention of Haacke.

Boris chose to pretend he did not notice and called it a "statue". as if it were some monument to the British Empire.

The art critic Waldemar Januszczak said that awarding Haacke the commission was “like letting Trotsky loose on Buckingham Palace”.  (The Guardian)


 11 March  2015

There is petition of 400,000 supporters of Jeremy Clarkson who were not present when Jeremy Clarkson thumped a Mexican waiter who did not provide him with the correct colour of Smarties.

400,000 devoted acolytes cannot be wrong?

Jeremy Clarkson and people like him did not become Arseholes this week.

The bully boys were discussed here in 2011.

Four Years Ago

Boys will be Arseholes

1 December 2011  Three Jeremy Clarksons walked into a bar.... to those defenders of Clarkson, who say Clarkson has no political agenda and that it was just a joke, pull the other one.


 10 March  2015

Artful Pascale

everyday colourful bulk issue fast food plastic straws, pipes and bags and bottles. Confirming Monk philosophy......  of beauty and joy and relevance . Don’t you love it when that happens?

 10 March  2015

Dear William Hague thank you for sending me your campaign poster.

Why is Ed Milliband in the pocket of Silvio Berlusconi ?

I can see why Cameron might be in the pocket of Rupert Murdoch or any of your Filthy Rich Donors.

But Berlusconi  just does not work as a poster.

 8 March  2015

Robust Abuse

David Cameron endorses personal abuse of political opponents.

 3 March  2015

Spending Spin

Tory Plans to Avoid Tory Spending Plan Questions



 1 March  2015 (lunchtime)

Grant Shapps pledged the100,000 new houses and an uncosted  giveaway of 3.9 Billion over breakfast, and now David Cameroon has just doubled the target and the giveaway at Lunchtime. What are they eating?

Who will pay for the 7.8 Billion giveaway?

Surely not another efficiency saving? Yawn!

And just before an election.

 Promises! Amended

1 March 2015

Promises! Promises!

Grant Shapps, Chairman of the Conservative Party, makes unconvincing uncosted promises ..


Two Years  Ago

Most read story on these pages this last month.

The Filthy Rich

 Ken Loach may well be promoting a new polemical movie but his knowledge of the economy makes anyone who supports our "market economy", look extremely foolish.

26 FEBRUARY 2015

Long before Primark, ... and Walmart,...

ever widening inequality under the current UK coalition government and beyond.

25 FEBRUARY 2015

Today it was announced that it will soon be illegal to “annoy” with unsolicited phone calls.


This movie from 24 September 2009 continues to be popular on Shoestringonline so it is not just me that feels this way.

Revenge of The Telephobic

a surreal conversation with a lady salesperson, selling indeterminate goods.

24 FEBRUARY 2015

Cash for Access

What was it about the wealth of his potential client that made this man,  Sir Malcolm Leslie Rifkind, former Foreign Secretary, agree to meet in order to be subsequently paid 5000 to 8000 a day for providing access to foreign London ambassadors for the commercial purposes of a fake Chinese company?

When exposed, Rifkind  made no apology and on the contrary refused to “step down” claiming that he was “livid.” He has since been suspended by David Cameron for electoral purposes and has now resigned protesting that he has done nothing wrong.

Jack Straw was embarrassed, and “mortified” to have his greed exposed but this man was “livid” with pompous indignation because he is so much up his own anus and so remote from all other mere mortals who have a different moral compass, and who might happen to read this.

Can I say that?


Well done Channel 4 and Dispatches.



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Love is a very splendid thing. A movie called "Love" was created by us Monks at Shoestringonline. We then discovered that there were 10,729 movies on vimeo with the same title. Most seem to be syrup, or church, or just bad, or all three. Surely there would be enough to start a Love Channel. Love Channel was born, or was there already a Love Channel. Apparently not.



Selected By Others

These pictures were chosen, for whatever reason, by readers of these pages and not by the editor, nor the photographer, usually Mrs Monk.

1.derogatory  ( Brit ) a musician, esp a pop musician, regarded as being overconcerned with technique rather than musical content or expression
2.( Austral ) any musician, esp a professional one



Go to  2015C 2015B 2015A 2014B 2014A 2013B, 2013A, 2012B, 2012A 2011B, 2011A , 2010, 2009, 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005 and 2004

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3 Most Read Stories  last 30 Days as follows...  

 22 March 2015

NHS For Sale

The Special relationship and  where money is the object.

12 March 2013

The Filthy Rich


make the "market economy",  look extremely foolish.

17 March  2015

Goldfish AV and Amnesia

A fish called Colin

3 Most Read Stories   last 12 Months..  as follows...

The Untouchables

27 June 2013

George Osborne would rather choke on a pheasant than......

All Legal

4 December 2012

"It is all legal, look at the rules book."

hard working privileges

29 September 2014

Pride and Privilege.

Osborne’s contrary rhetoric.

Other Popular Stories  last 12 Months..  as follows...  

24 September 2009

Revenge of The Telephobic

a surreal conversation with a lady salesperson, selling indeterminate goods.

31 MARCH 2014

Tory DNA

So clever of the Chancellor to bribe pensioners with their own money.

24 Sep 2013

Stifled Spin

You will have heard Ed Balls volunteer to have his spending pledges assessed by the Treasury.

Vocation or Vacation

15 December 2013

MP’s PAY, a free lunch and a subsidised bar.

Last Year’s Foodbank Christmas Card

David Cameron is still in denial and has turned down  100s of Millions of  EU Cash for Foodbanks . Cameron wants to be seen fighting for EU money but he does not want it for the UK poor.

21 August 2014

Tory Mugs for Mugs

Grant Shapps, You’ve made my day.

3 April 2010

Farmville Meat is Murder

7 October 2013

Feckless In Need

bankers were found short of competence in charge of pension contributions

3 August 2014

Osborne's Recession

For pity's sake Esther, please wear a vest.

23 May2014


Bring powers back to Boris and away from Brussels?

April Fool

comments on Conservative Party YouTube movie disabled

1 April 2014

Ahh! Bush Country?

1 April 2011 

Colonel Gaddafi:  “You take me for a fool. I shall be exiled. Take me to Best Buy”

Hannan, the Deluded

24 November 2012 Whether or not Daniel Hannan, MEP, should be expelled from the Conservative Party.

11 January 2014

Fear of Buying

"They are a bit dry", she said, "Not fresh", she explained.

19 May 2012


High street giant Currys are not honouring Extended Warranty contracts.

Daily Mail

Exploits Manslaughter of Children