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Mrs. Monk's Would-be Diary should have been written by Mrs. Monk, since she is the "Writer" in the family.
However, since she is a writer only in the conceptual sense, I have undertaken to fill these pages on her behalf
If not by her, these pages will certainly be about her, and other important matters of the day         Leslie Monk





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pictures of 2012 faces that came Mrs. Monks way.

26 December 2012

Kill or be killed, Doctor Strangelove.

Piers Morgan, Nominated for Nobel peace prize. Can you believe it? Bring on 2013.

24 December 2012 The usual Christmas dilemma of how to exchange Christmas gifts from a joint bank account. We find ourselves directing each other today to what we might want as a token gift. Mrs Monk told me she wants a sports bra. Very amusing. We separate in M and S and take off in separate directions. Not before too long Mrs Monk is after me on the phone .

“Where are you?”

“Bras, where are you.?”

”Getting your dinner”

This turned out to be false.

24 December 2012 Brian Hawe in Bronze alongside, if not facing, Winston Churchill in Parliament Square. That would be a fitting permanent tribute to his sacrifice and courage in the name of free speech. On Twitter they hide behind nom de plumes and secret identities and call it free speech.

Oliver Cromwell’s Parliament is found wanting, feathering second home nests, cynically duplicitous. Currently fox hunting for pleasure over Christmas. Tally Ho.


24 December 2012 Christmas Greetings

22 December 2012 "Christmas comes early as far as the commercialisation of it is  concerned.  October would seem to be when it first becomes an issue and by today  people are not talking to each other in a civilised fashion.  Waitrose is Mrs Monk's least favourite shop these days. We noted the  Queues at Sainsbury's and Mrs Monk refused to enter that emporium. I repeated Stephen Fry's joke after she commanded me to take her to  Waitrose. He said on BBC QI, "Thank God for Sainsbury, they keep the  riff raff out of Waitrose" This did not go down well with Mrs Monk and she told me that Stephen Fry is losing followers on Twitter due to his over-exposure.  In HMV yesterday I noted someone asking for a box set of QI DVDs. Consumers  have really lost the plot this Christmas. When we arrived at Waitrose we could not get into the car park so we  declined to join in with the madness and found solace in the nearby  graveyard, where we found no maddening crowd and Mrs Monk took this  picture. We are not Goths but we know what calms us.  We should note that some people do not approve of maudlin tributes in  graveyards. Having given this due consideration we think that is  snobbish BS. Happy Christmas


22 December 2012 Last night I had a date with Mrs Monk. We went to the movies in the bedroom. Show time. 10 pm George Cloony in The Descendants. Sky Premier.

Before not too long Mrs Monk was snoring beside me, and I was left alone to follow the story of a young wife left in a coma following a tragic accident, while the husband, pb George Cloony, is forced to deal with precocious offspring and the greed of the wider family, the descendants. Mrs Monk would occasionally wake up and ask me to explain the plot and also the copious man-blubbing, and would then fall back into slumber and more snoring.

Finally Mrs Monk came out of her comatose state. just in time to see the final dying scene. In denial she pretended to have seen “most of the movie”. Then started to read the Sky synopsis for an explanation of what she had missed.  This I found had described the movie as a “Comedy.”

I put on my glasses to see if they had somehow misconstrued the words “Coma” and “die”  They had not.

20 December 2012 David Amess is not exactly out to defend himself against allegations of Parliamentary Expense Abuses, discussed in the national press. But he is keen to defend the very “responsible” Leigh and Westcliff Times, who are happy to promote his version of the

Queen’s Speech

and also ignore the other messy stuff.

According to Mr Amess it is those wicked bloggers that are at fault.

However, he is very keen to show us his cuddly side.

How unconvincing.


18 December 2012 In the wake of Newtown, Connecticut "Guns don't kill, People do"......ammunition so resplendent and so enticing,  ...

15 December 2012 Mrs Monk is a serious nail biter particularly as we get close to Christmas. Things went too far in the car when she started to chew my nails as I tried to drive . Is this unusual?

6 December 2012 Just for a laugh, these millionaires have just cut benefits AND corporation tax on the same day.

5 December 2012 Osborn’s Budget is said to hit the very richest and the very poorest in equal measure. Really? There will certainly be more homeless as a result of this budget, but those “mansions” are safe. It seems the government is not even trying to be equitable with this budget, they are simply out to please the middle ground for political advantage. Shame on Nic Clegg for letting that happen. Osborne and Cameron could not stop grinning from ear to ear taunting Ed Balls, and were clearly enjoying the pain they were delivering to the poor.

All Legal
4 December 2012

"It is all legal, look at the rules book."

Monkfry's Selected By Others photoset Monkfry's Selected By Others photoset


These pictures were chosen, for whatever reason, by readers of these pages and not by the editor, nor the photographer, Mrs Monk.

The Rubicon

29 November 2012 Cameron might recoil from his pledge to honour his pledge


Hannan, the Deluded

24 November 2012 Whether or not Daniel Hannan, MEP, should be expelled from the Conservative Party.


OF THE DAY 19 November 2012

the revolution begins in your heart, ....not up your arse... saramo

02 Final

12 November 2012 Of the “Sky” pundits, only Greg Rusedski would get off  the fence to predict the winner of the 02 Final, and get it wrong ....   Djokovic defeated Federer in straight sets, and my good friend Wilco called it right, again. He and Djokovic fall over a lot on the tennis court, but also in common, they both decline to accept my frequent challenges to a match in Southend On Sea. I am always available.

O2 Predictions



The Daily Sketch

Something appears here most days from the prolific pen or pencil of Mrs Monk and less frequently from  Mr Monk, when Mrs Monk becomes less productive.

Tennis Tanking

8 November 2012 Ferrer had an out of character hissy fit more

O2 Predictions

Make a Prediction



8 November 2012 Not all the crooks are in it together. Some go to jail. Some are rewarded...... more


Before The Storm

8 November 2012 In the USA there are some enlightened households prepared to accept the necessity to recycle household waste even though many Republican influences and vested interests continue to be in denial about global warming. Before Sandy, we noted this off-message statement on the side of a dumper truck. One week later Sandy overwhelmed the location of this truck. This picture-set by Mrs. Monk on a recent trip, were of the same town or thereabouts; the calm before the the storm.


Four More Years


7 November 2012 Donald Trump is obviously delusional with his continuing belief that Obama is not actually American, and he may now need counseling.

Now throwing his toys out of his pram on Twitter,  it is hard to resist the fun people are having at Trump’s expense.

 Join the fun if you please.


29 October 2012  Last week the Monks were in

Ocean City, Maryland, shadow dancing in the bright sunshine. Our nephew took a dip in the sea, but was disappointed that he could not surf because the waves were too feeble. One week later we are back in London, amazed to see that same beach on the BBC News, underwater and  relentlessly pounded by 30 feet ocean waves, with more to come.



28 October 2012  The Tate Modern Escalators are at the dynamic hub of this national institution. The escalators are sublimely photogenic and provide a serene moment of contemplation for art lovers who frequently give in to intimate embraces and whispers as they ascend and descend.


Torch Song

25 October 2012

BBC Breakfast trailed the "good news" announced today that we are out of recession by 1 point.. ........ more....


11 October 2012

Neo Nazis are apparently free to roam the world but what of Varindra? Theresa May should be so proud.


23 October 2012  Last tweet to “Dr James Rees” was to ask him if he was a Tory MP (using a pseudonym).  “Dr James Rees” has now disappeared from Twitter, like a sewer rat.


OF THE DAY 22 October 2012

Contrl. Alt. Delete. Dear Arsehole


This was in reply to a  bigot who referred to her tweets as “crap” and to her personally as “luv” and “dear” I tracked the troll with the fake name “Dr James Rees” to a Daily Mail chat room where he took on another fake identity but used precisely the same language to randomly rant at others.

Wild Horses

11 October 2012

Virgin declined? ....  the kerchange business opportunity they were waiting for.


7 October 2012

our visitors redirect their gaze simultaneously....

OF THE DAY 12 October 2010

How to Check-In

Are you waiting for me to start yelling?

Bluewater Blues

4 October 2012

forgotten but then remembered why we avoid Bluewater Shopping Centre



4 October 2012

Snobs and Yobs

An accountant that did not read the spreadsheet before she wrote off at least 40 million of tax payers money and is “not culpable”?  Justine Green, switched jobs in advance of the Rail Franchise U-turn.. thus avoiding flak.

And the cabinet minister and chief whip who admits to being a yob but not to being an off-Tory-message “Snob”. Andrew Mitchell will not appear at Tory Conference to avoid further flak.

Both currently employed by HM Gov.

4 October 2012

A frantic Squirrel choking on too many peanuts provided by another neighbour, did a strange dance on garden fence.

”Do something!” said Mrs Monk.

“How am I supposed to do the Heimlich Manoeuvre on a dancing squirrel?” said I.


OF THE DAY 17 September 2012

What's the best way to milk sheep? Bring out a new iphone.



12 September 2012

Gove Failed Exam

even allowing for grade inflation Michael Gove failed his examination......



12 September 2012

This is a representation of the Monks arriving at Wimereux in Northern France for a long weekend, where we celebrated our anniversary. Mrs. Monk has a fascination with Ephemera and Kitsch.


11 September 2012

Andy Murray’s victory over Novak Djokovic in the Final of the US Open was correctly predicted by the following stats. Had you put your house on it, you would now have two houses.

The Murray v Djokovic Stats

based upon US Open Official Stats


More like this


coming soon

Sara Monk’s new novel

Neurosis and Nostalgia in Nigeria and Going Wild on Two Tree Island

6 September 2012 Clegg’s Big Idea

posh boys want cowboy builders knocking up extensions to save the world


6 September 2012 Jeremy Hunt who has declared and written that he wants to dismantle the NHS is now in charge of the NHS  and given the job by the man that reneged on his promise not to dismantle the NHS.

Hunt attempted and failed to dismantle the NHS tribute in the Olympic opening ceremony.

Read the Fleet Street Fox in the Mirror, who would have had all of these opinions on the reshuffle of jokers, approved by their best lawyers.


6 September 2012 Tomas Berdych will defeat Andy Murray in the Semi Finals of the US Open according to the following stats, which have not yet failed to predict correctly. This is bad news for Murray fans.

The Murray v Berdych Stats

based upon US Open Official Stats


OF THE DAY 4 September 2012

the dodgy dealer shuffles the deck of jokers

saramo on the cabinet reshuffle


The Debate

4 September 2012

New political season is underway with a cabinet reshuffle


2 September 2012 Has the government finally stopped blaming Labour  for the banking crisis? Today George Gideon Osborne directed Andrew Marr viewers to the rest of the western world who are facing the same challenge that he faces, something Labour  said on this subject when they were in Downing Street.


Gideon has also asked us all to get behind the government to face the crisis, not something he was noted as saying before the last election.


front bench jobsworths

25 Aug 2012


Hunt says it is not for him, Culture and Media Secretary, to tell his friend Rupert Murdoch what to publish in the Sun.

Gove said it is not for him, The Education Secretary to tell the Education Examination boards what to do.

Hunt says that he followed advice at all times during the Murdoch bid for Sky, and that meant he acted properly.

Gove said he ignored advice given on his damaging changes to the National Curriculum and that meant he acted properly.

Neither responsible for anything?

Strip Pool

25 Aug 2012.. a snookered crown prince, raising further questions for Leveson


Tony Scott 44-12

Munch by Monks

19 Aug 2012 The proud boast of the Monks is that we were the last of thousands to leave the unburning and unsinking ship....




Staying Alive With Charlie

16 Aug 2012 Mrs Monk reminded me of John Cage yesterday. In that sprit I made  noises out of sounds made by Seamus, a cat  lapping milk and purring. ................ and then this movie

Dear Peter Hitchens

13 Aug 2012 might try transcendental medication to get through current crisis


12 August 2012

If you get your hand stuck in a teapot, or cannot raise your trousers, should you call the Emergency Services?


11 Aug 2012 A collage of cinematic clips. Would love to know what anyone thinks is missing from this movie. Drop me a line.


OF THE DAY 10 August 2012

You know you need a life when your wheelie bin goes out more than you

 Mr Anderson@Souperduperman


5 Aug 2012 More tears during the Semi Finals from the otherwise cool but surprisingly passive Roger Federer in the Olympic Semi Final. The tears were clearly because he had to work so hard in that epic final set. Federers match against Delpotro  was in fact a virtual five-setter whereas Andy Murray was able to wrap up his victory over Djokovic in the other semi final, in just  two straight sets. So the prediction is Murray for Gold, Federer for Silver, and Djokovic will have to scrap for bronze against a wasted Delpotro. Excellent prediction.

Olympic Predictions

Make a Prediction


4 Aug 2012 Jeremy Hunt was last seen hiding behind a tree to disguise his cosy relationship with the Godfather of the Media who is somehow irresistible to would-be British politicians.


OF THE DAY 22 July 2012

Bradley Wiggins legacy; nouveaux cyclists with ill fitting languid lunch-boxes spilling out of lycra.

 https://twitter.com/JMeldrum and https://twitter.com/saramo

22 July 2012 We learn that Danny Boyle has included a procession of hospital beds in the opening ceremony that will then be arranged into the letters NHS for the world to appreciate Britain’s finest civilizing institution. At this point, Fox TV who regard the NHS as a threat to the American way of life, will go to a commercial break for hemorrhoid cures.

Furthermore it will also displease the Daily Mail and that is an added bonus.


22 July 2012 I would like to know if this image has infringed any “trademark” standards, and whether the Olympic spirit is finally dead and buried, and if Olympic Cynicism is the final frontier of the free amateur spirit. Google ads notwithstanding.


6 July 2012 The Olympic Torch came our way and we found ourselves stopped by the old bill at the very spot where a relay “kiss” would occur. Mrs Monk hopped out of the car and took these snaps

Dear Mark Twain

15 July 2012 

Mrs Monk has asked me to explain myself to you because I have also been challenged by your notion that only fools write for nothing



9 July 2012

Andy Murray shed copious tears which is what he does when he loses grand slam finals. What might he do if he wins?



6 July 2012, Mr Philippoussis found himself in the Royal Box this week on the Centre Court at Wimbledon, reminding me of my part in his glorification for which I have still not been paid.


OF THE DAY 5 July 2012

“In case of emegency, Break Dance”

4 July 2012

My stats analysis below cannot separate Murray and Ferrer, who play their quarter final today. If Murray serves as well as yesterday he should get through, but Ferrer has found the best winners of any top five player, and also beat Murray in Paris just three weeks ago.

3 July 2012

The top five seeds had even honours in Round 4 of the Wimbledon Championship. Andy Murray had the best ace to double fault ratio which he achieved in awkward conditions against top server CilicDavid Ferrer had the best winner to unforced error ratio. Both have the momentum to do well in the Quarter Finals.

The Stats don’t lie.


3 July 2012

Osborne has now announced a light touch inquiry into the banking crisis, while Labour is looking for a Judge led inquiry that might ask embarrassing invasive questions of politicians and others in high places who may have been pulling the strings.

Osborne is still blaming Ed Balls and Labour for the so-called light touch regulation of the banks as if he were not in favour of light touch regulation.


Recent Pictures of London




The Daily Sketch

Something appears here most days from the prolific pen or pencil of Mrs Monk and less frequently from  Mr Monk, when Mrs Monk becomes less productive. A sketch is something produced in a fleeting moment or two of inspiration, not intended to be a finished work, but nevertheless too precious to be ignored. Artists like Tracy Emin make a career without ever progressing beyond this stage. Mrs Monk is currently impressed by Tracy Emin, now that Tracy has disclosed on TV, her very own private lapping swimming pool in the basement of her home. Mrs Monk also loves to do laps on a daily basis, and to count her laps, in a mermaid dream, but in a less than private swimming pool.

More 2012

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3 Most Read Stories  2012 

3 May 2011 Goldfish AV and Amnesia Colin Firth has complained that the name, “Colin,” is the kind of name you now give a pet gold fish .................


2 December 2009

Revenge of the Telephobic Revisited

21 October 2006

Arsehole Signs For Sale


two arrogant ill informed naughty grammar school boys