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Mrs. Monk's Would-be Diary should have been written by Mrs. Monk, since she is the "Writer" in the family.
However, since she is a writer only in the conceptual sense, I have undertaken to fill these pages on her behalf
If not by her, these pages will certainly be about her, and other important matters of the day         Leslie Monk

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Fresh Porkies

by  Monkles 21 October 2013

twitter.com/#/monkfry

&

twitter.com/#/saramo

Dear Theresa

Thank you for your letter.

I suppose you were not to know that you would be asking me to promote your “achievement” in reducing crime in the last three years, and would do so immediately before the admission by the police that they have been telling fibs. If your crime figures do turn out to be cobblers, you might need to change tack and blame Labour for the “legacy” of “crime” you “inherited”.

Notwithstanding your bad timing, I should point out that if all that crime has gone down as much as 35% and by an average of 10%, then some category of crime must have gone up or your chart would not make any sense.

As Home Secretary I would expect you to tell me the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Seems to me that you have not done so.

On the other hand, if it is all so obviously made up, who gives a monkeys.

 

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Dear Leslie

When you shut the door behind you in the morning, you have the right to know that your home will be secure.

When you walk back home at night, you have the right to feel safe in your community.

And when you're away from your loved ones, you have the right to know that they're safe and sound.

That's why we’ve given the police just one target: cutting crime. And figures out today show that crime is now at its lowest levels since records began, having fallen more than 10% since the election.

Crime Down

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Our police reforms are working. Crime is falling, and we're making the streets safe for people who do the right thing.

Show your support by sharing this graphic on Facebook and Twitter.

Yours,

Theresa May