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unmade films


JenaDesigns for Building Plans on CAD for  Planning Permission

Mrs. Monk's Would-be Diary should have been written by Mrs. Monk, since she is the "Writer" in the family.
However, since she is a writer only in the conceptual sense, I have undertaken to fill these pages on her behalf
If not by her, these pages will certainly be about her, and other important matters of the day         Leslie Monk




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Where to Park The Car?

 5 November 2013

Tory Southend Council has made an undertaking, (published in council minutes), that these spy cam vans shall not be used in residential streets, and has in the past apologised for spy cams parked on double yellow lines as they ply their trade selling pictures of other motorists doing the very same. Twice they have inconvenienced the Monks as set out on these pages, and found to be incompetent by the independent adjudicator. There is no penalty for incompetent Southend Council, who choose to ignore correspondence on this subject. I watched the spy cam twist its periscopic camera to face me and take my picture as I took its picture

17 August 2013

The Dent

the grumbling grandmother standing by with folded arms

6 June 2013


Wanted: Parking space attached to a home.

Southend Council abandons blighted minority.

Official...... Incompetence

2 June 2013  The “Council of the Year” are Incompetent.  Southend Council Traffic and Highways Department, cavalier, cynical, insincere, belated, incompetence.

29 April 2013 I am still waiting for an apology from Southend Council about the trouble they have put me too in the Spy Cam Scam. Also described on these pages. I have ask the adjudicator to award me my costs and it is unusual for costs to be awarded. The Council know this so they  ignore all correspondence to them on the subject. They call themselves the “council of the year”. How misleading?


24 March 2013

“Interdepartmental Error”

Southend Council have decided not to contest my appeal against the December Mobile CCTV ticket.  I am not pleased by this because this means The Council has avoided the necessity to actually explain themselves to me personally and to the adjudicator. The cynical calculation of the Council is that there is no loss for them by providing just two meaningless words of explanation.

“Interdepartmental Error” is not even a sentence and certainly not an apology. The inconvenience is all mine. I have sent the Council a bill for my costs and offered to reduce my demand by 50%, if they pay within seven days.  Don’t hold your breath.

My letter to the Council

5 February 2013

Highway Mendacity

Southend Council Report That Residents’ Mobile CCTV Concerns Are Based on Untrue Myths. Really?

31 January 2013

Parking Cash Cow Denial

Southend Councillors.

Park as they say, and not as they do?

8 January 2013

Parking Dilemma

A little local difficulty. Should Southend on Sea councillor’s do the right thing, or risk electoral disadvantage.

3 January 2013

Dear Zulffigar Ali,

White Van Spy Cam Man Big Chief,


The Strategic Highways  and Traffic Manager of Southend Council.

Some say there are no parking problems in Leigh and Chalkwell. If that were the case, why do we have these pernicious Spy Cams?

10 June 2012

Mrs Monk is an immigrant so we are inclined to be more aware of casual xenophobia directed at immigrants. Most recently some red  neck neighbours have even been inclined to blame immigrants for their parking problems. Mrs Monk did not take this personally because she is an English speaking honky.

Theresa May on Andrew Marr also wants to reference the xenophobic wing of her constituency. Apparently immigrants are to be obliged to take courses on correct bunting display.

7 May 2012 I sat in the car while Mrs Monk had a rare shop in Selfridges this Bank Holiday Monday. I was parked in a quiet side street obstructing nobody, but yes on a yellow line. I found myself confronted by a dripping wet traffic warden who was not in a good mood. “I don’t care if you are sitting in your car, I will take your picture and you will get it in the post”, he said.

Here we go again.

22 April 2012

Alternative Adjudicator

Southend Council : "Item of correspondence incorrect".Four miserable words that do not amount to a hill of beans.

1 April 2012  The Adjudicator

Cat Flap Charlie does not understand Gobledygook

1 April 2012 Dear Leigh Times Why does your front page article ignore the concerns of residents?

Running and Ruining Privatisation

22 March 2012 "WHERE ARE WE? WE ARE IN SOUTHEND" running a business and ruining other business

8 March 2012 Mrs. Monk rudely confronted by an opponent of this message.  Southend Council agree to propose an alternative parking scheme to support blighted residents of the small hamlet of Chalkwell, near Southend, Essex. Follow these pages for continuing updates on the progress of this little local difficulty.

Dear Leigh Times

7 March 2012 two poster campaigns in the areas of Leigh and Chalkwell which is blighted by parking issues

1 March 2012 Cat Flap Charlie and the Mother of all Privatisation

Where are the White Van Spy Cam photographs of Mrs Monk carrying sick Charlie from the car to the house?

The Car

Picture of cars, or from cars shot by Mrs Monk

Pictures by Sara Monk where the TV is featured, either directly or inadvertently.

Recent Pictures of Leigh On Sea


2 February 2012 British Gas speak with forked tongue, They wrote to me and said,  “We've dropped our electricity prices and we now offer the cheapest standard electricity on average of any major supplier.” Double Dutch meaningless sales talk.


 Pictures by Mrs Monk selected by others

These pictures have received comment on FlickR.
They were chosen by others and not for any special qualities, but nevertheless hit some vein or other within the intercontinental audience of FlickR



White Van Spy Cam Man

13 January 2012 Teacher support web sites are now rife with traumatised. teachers that have heard Michael Gove's irresponsible comments. His high profile ill informed  proselytising on the subject is in itself bullying and traumatising teachers. Will Gove get the sack?


 7 January 2012 Mrs Monk is here because she gets more Twitter followers than me. She is not exactly known to me for the brevity demanded by Twitter. Cat flap Charlie could teach her a thing or two about brevity. Miaow.

 7 January 2012 Cat flap Charlie has recovered, and back outside frolicking, enjoying an unseasonably good January day. Mrs. Monk still forcing antibiotics into him. Veterinary cost: 45, just below his insurance excess. What a bummer.



Arsehole Signs for Sale

5 December 2011 I was surprised to learn that several people had googled the word  “Arsehole”, and had accordingly found this website, perhaps because of this 2006 page. Even in 2006 there were annoying Jeremy Clarksons everywhere.

Boys will be Arseholes

1 December 2011  Three Jeremy Clarksons walked into a bar.... to those defenders of Clarkson, who say Clarkson has no political agenda and that it was just a joke, pull the other one.

12 Sep 2011  My First Car  Lady Chatterley’s Lover and Princess Margaret, or Potted Plants and Harold Macmillan ........



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These are stories about car parking blues, in Leigh on Sea and elsewhere