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Mrs. Monk's Would-be Diary, should have been written by Mrs. Monk, since she is the "Writer" in the family.
However, since she is a writer only in the conceptual sense, I have undertaken to fill these pages on her behalf.
If not by her, these pages will certainly be about her, and other important matters of the day

Leslie Monk



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Mrs Monk’s Would-Be Diary .........

Where Be Mrs Monk?

 3 November 2010

These pages are littered with stories of lost phones keys and recriminations about who is responsible for missing valuables.

Today Mrs. Monk gathered up her belongings in a hurry to get herself where she said should have been at a certain time when that time had already passed.

She has her own set of keys which she had mislaid so she took off with mine.  This is normal and only occasionally do I find myself unable to leave the house for the lack of keys.

However, untypically she returned within a few minutes somewhat sheepishly, unusually so.

“What's up?” I said

“Car won’t start. Lights left on.”

I was not surprised by what she said, but by the low key way she conveyed this information, since it was not preceded with the phrase, “You stupid man”.

“Really?” I inquired rhetorically, “Who parked the car?”

Mrs Monk was already onto the AA and was preparing herself for disappointment.

She could not find a way to blame me so she let loose on the AA call centre, who could not understand her.

“WOY” she said attempting to give our Car Registration Number

“No, ...WOY”

“W   O   Y”

“No,   W for Willy,   O for Oink,   Y for Yo Sushi”


She could have gone for Wilco, Oscar, Yankee, but Mrs Monk decided to stick with her own unique call signs that no one had ever heard before.

She repeated, “W for Willy,   O for Oink,   Y for Yo Sushi”

I left Mrs Monk to it and in due course I heard the front door close and went back to my day’s tasks.

After a short while, a large yellow van appeared in  the road outside the house.

“Where is Mrs Monk?” I muttered to myself.

I went to the front door and was greeted by a smiling face.

“One Moment” I said. and then looked around for the car keys.

“Where are my keys?”

“Where is the car?”

I then started to look for the house phone, so I could call Mrs Monk.

In due course I gave up, and sidled up to the AA man and was forced to admit to him, that I had lost my wife, my car, my keys, and my phone, all of which I had ten minutes before.

I lent on his van with my elbow and we bonded in a man way. I offered him a cup of tea.

He wanted milk and three sugars.

“Now, where is the sugar?”


W for Willy,  O for Oink,  Y for Yo Sushi

[Knickers] [Where]

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